Having a four year old is like being given the gift of a Light that never goes off - even in the middle of the night. Four year olds also offer the opportunity to be in touch with viral contacts that are not web-based nor healthful.
I felt like a good Mom this weekend. On Friday, Ana got uncharacteristically clingy, which is the first sign that her health is going south. I rearranged my workday and kept her home from school to keep an eye on her. I took her to the doctor, who prescribed some medication, which I picked up at the Pharmacy. Ana developed a fever and I stayed up with her all night. The next morning, with the little energy either of us had left, Ana helped me in her own way to change sheets and pillowcases as we tried to disinfect the house.
At 4pm, it felt like someone struck me with a hard blow and I had to lay down. I was simply and suddenly unable to function. At one point, I would have been attending to Ana, taking her temperature and applying the appropriate medication, but I was in the bathroom, giving over the contents of my stomach. From my position on the floor of the bathroom, I could see Ana’s little face and big round, scared eyes peering at me from beneath the bedcovers. I wanted to tell that I’d be right there and that everything was fine, but words were not what was forthcoming.
While I felt entirely helpless, I thought of how much more helpless my little girl was - the girl who tells me at least once a week that she can take care of herself and asks how old she has to be to have her own house. I try not to take that personally. And at that moment, I imagined how frightening it would be if I saw my strong, capable Mother, completely incapacitated. She might be worried about who would take care of her if Mom can’t.
When I finally rolled back into bed, I talked to Ana about how Mom was only sick for a while and that I would be strong again soon and take better care of her. Then I thought of all the single mothers (or fathers) out there, who have one or more children, no relatives close by, and who struggle with this same situation. I thought about Mothers who are sick a lot - who can’t say that it will be just a little while until they are well - and want to take care of their children, but simply cannot.
At that moment, I imagined all the Mothers around the world who felt helpless to take care of their children in a circle of Light. I asked the Spirit of Light to come into each Mother’s heart and to bring them strength, courage, and self-compassion.
Then I thought that the next time I got to know a single Mom, I would ask if I could help or if I might even be that person on her speed dial in case of emergency.
Isn’t it amazing that a little, tiny four year old can be the instigator of global awarenss and prayer?